The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction.
WILLIAM BLAKE, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
"Sometimes, anger helps make you survive," intimated Storm (played by Halle Berry)to Nightcrawler (played by Alan Cumming) in the movie X-Men II: X-Men United.
Storm could not be more right; but I am only beginning to bear to mind Storm's wise counsel.
Only recently have I the epiphany that I very, very rarely get angry: stoic as a saint, so to speak. For the life of me,I cannot remember an instance that I was mad at anything or anybody. Catch is: forgetting how it is to be angry has made me indifferent and overly accepting of the circumstances that have happened or is happening to me---and I totally hate it.
There are innumerable things that ought to rile me as a prudent mind. . . or any level headed person for that matter.
First off my list: I must, should. . . rage against judgmentalism; those who assess the worth of others based on first impressions, that is, judgmental people. I had a particularly unpleasant experience in this regard.
I was then fresh out of college and came back home to my home province. Still quite undecided what to do with my post academic life but not wanting to waste time, I looked for a job even if part-time.
I tried out one of the local colleges for a teaching position; I went and personally submitted my resume', and dressed simply.
Boy, did I have the shock of my (post-academic) life! Without as much as perusing or asking me a single question, the department dean antagonized me with " What business do you have applying at our college? " "We only accept the best and the brightest!" (This last remark was a real affront to me since I was an entrance scholar at UP Diliman and came from a province where only one-handful are qualified to enter the premier State University every year!)
I (correctly) suspected that she looked down on me because I was dressed very simply (for I only planned to drop my resume') while she, I later learned from friends and acquaintances, had the reputation of being dressy and flamboyant, never mind if according to persistent rumors she "bought" her Ph.D. (There are lots of schools which peddled degrees for the right price in our province and nearby provinces.)
Simplistic the above incident/illustration might be, but I speak from personal experience: people can judge others for the flimsiest of reasons. If this were the case, how much more some, nay, many are prone to judge others based on preconceived notions, stereotypes and deep-seated paradigms: anybody in a fez is a terrorist; a Third-world person going abroad could only be a DH or sex worker; a Pinay marrying a foreigner could only be after something other than love. So on and so forth.
Remembering my above-mentioned experience and being aware of the seeming inability of others to give the other fellow the benefit of the doubt should be enough to rile me up.
Personally, I am also pissed for being less assertive than I ought to be. Most of the time, I disregard my feelings, desires, even goals for the sake of other people's expectations. I am a certified people-pleaser extraordinaire --- which is driving me nuts. Being afraid to disappoint others, I am now totally disappointed in myself. In fact,I have lots of "what-if" scenarios haunting me, the details of which I'll spare you, my reader, the burden.
A little fatalistic I may have sounded but I am not blaming the world. I am actually more angry at myself for not doing what I could do, no matter how small, positively and proactively.
So I hope I would be fired up, boiling hot enough to do something more positive and proactive.
I am raring to do what I could. I think it pays to rage against foibles and frailties, one's own and others'.
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